End of an era… again

I got a text today at 6pm from the BBC Phil, asking me if I could do the next three days in the Studio in Manchester, starting at 11.30 tomorrow.  For a few crazy minutes I was left wondering if it might, just might, be possible.  I haven’t been back to work for them since having Anton, in fact it is rather nice that they still ask, and with each child I decide that is the end of that era.  I remember thinking that even with Oscar – but each time there has been a way.  This time though it feels that I have wandered very far from that course, at least as far as playing for big orchestras are concerned.

We could have stayed at Grannys house although it would be very depressing being there without her (she has gone to live with my Uncle for the forseeable future) so all in all it would be a very strange few days.   I used to really enjoy a few days away every now and then for that short while after we moved but I don’t hanker after it.  The money would be more than useful though but as all that is really going to make the difference is getting Joths business off the groud and he has an important demo coming up to prepare for, that has to take priority, even over temporary money fixes.   It is unlikely now that they will ask again before the baby is born so once again – end of an era!…

Today was an odd one in lots of ways.  Lucas came with me to Antons toddler group (as we missed one yesterday) and some of the toddlers took a real shine to him.  It’s lovely how they make a beeline for older children.  Lucas just rolled playdough with them and admired their trains before reading his Dragon book.  He’s making a set of dragon top trump type cards to include in his lapbook.   It’s nice that both toddler groups I go to are relaxed about older children going along occasionally and I know Lucas loves to see what Anton gets up to.   There were some lovely mums there today so I had good chats and then when we were doing a quick shop in Totnes afterwards we met so many people we knew it took ages to get round!   We were initially keen to move here as we thought it would have a sense of community and it seems we got that right.

I was getting tired though when we hit the last shop, Morrisons.  We were still having a nice time though and funnily enough, I still thought I was being a”good” parent so it was a bit of a blow to see other people thinking differently and it reminded me why I do internet food shopping.   Lucas was being a star and carefully pushing the trolley round with Anton in it, chatting away happily, while I pushed the empty buggy, and then when we got to the checkout I realised I had forgotten something so I left Lucas in the queue having asked him to start unloading when our turn came.  I took Anton off to find lightbulbs and when we came back Lucas was unloading but he’d pushed the trolley into a barrier by the other checkout which had set off an alarm.  I apologised but the lady at the checkout rolled her eyes at the customer in front, got out to turn it off, tutted and sat down again without meeting my eye, or Lucas’.  I was wondering whether she thought 8 was too young to be left unloading a trolley and was blaming me, whether she thought he’d been careless (anyone could have done it) or whether she just didn’t like children.  If that had been me, my first thought would have been to reassure the child that “it was always going off” or something like that.  I always like to give my children even small chances like I did then to behave responsibly.   I’m sure it sounds like I am making a mountain out of a molehill but it just gave me the feeling I get sometimes, that the world isn’t really a very child friendly place.

I read a book once about a mother who’d taken her four children to Africa (I think it was called “The Lion Children?”) as she felt we look down on our children in this country and she wanted to let them work and be responsible and  be respected for the jobs they do.  She home educated them too – it wasn’t an advert for slave labour.   I think it’s a very interesting point but I suppose it would be a bit of an extreme reaction for me to get on the next plane.  I think I’ll just avoid the supermarket.